So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
