Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
