i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
