that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
