She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
