At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
