I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
