Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
