until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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