My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize