I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over