He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.