i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket