I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.