Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?