just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
