so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
