I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Do you still have your period?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
