...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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