I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
