I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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