come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
