i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
