Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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