"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
