Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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