The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
