it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
