I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
