I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
