I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
