He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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