ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
