My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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