is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
