new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
