you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
