school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
