Buhtt sex?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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