I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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