i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
