Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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