Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
