the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
