Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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