i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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