I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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