I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
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I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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