Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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