it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
