It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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