I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
