the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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