dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
