Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
