i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
