a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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