My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
