I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
