Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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