the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
