my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
