i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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