Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
