dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
