What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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