I CAN MOONWALK!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
